A sincere and heartfelt thank-you to the many people who attended dads Funeral on Tuesday.
A very fitting farewell to a man who had such a positive influence so many people. A man who lived his life in full. A father of complete admiration. A husband loved, and lost.
Words to Song:
Say Goodnight not Goodbye
- To Des from Nan.
Photo Tribute: Des Meagher
I shall be putting a book together for mum in coming months. If you would like to contribute any additional comments; stories; or words - please do so via the message form on this website. Any contributions submitted to date you would not like included - feel free to send an e-mail to Jane: [email protected].
Des Meagher will be farewelled on:
TUESDAY 15th March 10.00am
ST. DOMINICS CATHOLIC CHURCH - 816 Riversdale Rd Camberwell
Following the Church Service Nan and the family invite you to join them at:
ARLINGTON (Wattle Park Chalet) 1012 Riversdale Rd Surrey Hills.
The family will be conducting a private burial.
Des was found smuggling water this morning. Mum walked in on him taking a lid off a water bottle with his teeth - keeping in mind water is currently not yet approved for him. Jo went to move the bottle and dad clearly said: "No Jo". Ha.....still being told off Jo!! Mum mentioned to doctors he may have had a sip or two - let's just say he smuggled half a bottle with no apparent difficulty. Sly cat!
Have since had challenge of him refusing any other liquid..... Nursing staff doing their best to change that - I'm talking about Mum and Lisa - not the ones on payroll!! Physio Jo stands on one side of the bed monitoring every flicker or movement and working the 'old horse' regardless of desire. Em and I like to think we do the important "off the ball work". Something dad liked to highlight to me when playing hockey. I think thats because I was so useless on the 'skills' front, he made me feel better by saying I had great work rate off the ball....!
Comment: Hey Jane!
What's this 'Off the ball work' statement about??!
After helping the nurse give Dad a refreshing wash today, I then tackled the mechanical harness and helped him land very smoothly and safely to sit upright in the chair!
We also plugged in double earphones and jammed to the Phil Collins concert before being rudely interrupted by the Doc. Off the ball shmall.. I'm all over that Sherrin! (Emma Meagher).
I may have omitted: (I sprayed his deodorant on such an angle that it landed on his face instead of his arm pit.. Funny. My skills can only improve! Em)
Dad was tired when I visited. Received great hugs and kisses from his grandson Gus again.
Private rehab refused at this stage - dad needs additional services. Will keep you posted there - not going anywhere fast.
Update from mum:
Dad has sat out of bed for about 2 hrs. Physio. Stood twice. Now back to bed & stuffed. L mum: Sent via BlackBerry® from Telstra
I see a man before me, his face, not quite the same
His eyes show angst between us. I struggle to say his name.
Didn’t I see him walking? He was active on the beach.
He offered advice on medicines? What’s wrong with this mans speech?
There is something that I recognise. His body I’m not so sure.
His smile? No, that is different. The feeling now is raw.
The glaze in my eyes has lifted. The tears escape my face.
I never thought it possible. There’s defeat on this mans face
I’m staring at my father. Not in body, nor in mind.
So who is that I see today? Why can life be so unkind?
Even if only fleeting, thanks for showing some true "Dessy" signs dad. We can't wait to get you back!
Flat day has positive end. SMS from Jo re dads session with physio:
"Just had a great session with physio. He had flickers in shoulder wrist and elbow and some active movement. She has opened the door to prospect of dad gaining movement! Yay!"
Dad's Classic comments for the day:
Dr Burke sends his regards dad: "What's he ringing for?"
Dad's comment about Physio: "Short ass"
Response to catheter being clamped: Turns to me and says "the bastards!"
Physio asks: "What special event is it today Des?". Dad: "My birthday"
(proved me wrong dad, and for once in my life - I'm happy about it!).
.....these momentary - but very clear - words and responses were a spark of light/hope.
On the flip side, when dad is asked: "Are you at home?" He responds with: "Yes"
Hope vs Reality - not evenly matched competitors.
I am not looking forward to today - it's dads 67th birthday. How do you celebrate........ I think I have cried enough tears to shut down the De-Salination Plant (that's for Inverloch readers!) but hope that with the family there today we can enjoy that dad is with us on his birthday - despite how much it rips at your heart to see him like this.
(Mum was getting dad a bike......).
********
Today has been difficult - not because it's dads birthday (I very soon realised he had no conscious understanding of that). Today was difficult because I think we realised more than ever - our dad is not returning....not how we all know him..... The fleeting moments remain precious but the extent of cognitive understanding is limited.
MAGIC HOSPITAL MOMENT:
The spark in dads eyes today when his grandson Gus entered the room, was something I wish I could bottle. After a vocal rendition of happy birthday from Gus, big hugs, kiss, and plenty of high fives, dad appeared like nothing was wrong. It was a priceless moment I will never forget. As for Gus, he exited the room, letting Papa know: "that was a GOOD handshake". Whether 2 or 60, we all 'working on the rehab!'.
Peering at the card made by 8yr old grandaughter Elle, Dad says (clear as day): "Ah, Hawk".
I hear your chants of "remain positive" but we need to remain real also to move forward with a man no less loved but without the assets that made him the person he was.
High Hospital Moment:
Mum: "Des you need to have a drink - here have the strawberry milkshake".
Dad hates sweet strawberry milk it seems - having been offered it yesterday. Mum in her loving but assertive way, shoved the straw in his mouth.
Des: Blew bubbles into the milk, spat out the straw - sending the room into fits of laughter (including him!). In other words - you can shove your strawberry milk where the sun don't shine!!
Today I drove to Inverloch to collect some things from the house for mum. I would be lying if I said dad and mums bedroom did not have a cold sense about it. Knowing dad was lying on the floor in this room, waiting to be found, sends shivers up my spine. Loving relatives & neighbours around him but no voice to be heard.
A few great moments today but another set back. Dad has reverted with signs of chills and claminess. Back on drip and blood tests for any signs of infection. Quickly learning the reality of the highs and lows....
Fr. Dillon from Geelong (St. Mary's) is currently visiting and anointing dad. We are very appreciative of him taking the time to do this. Is there such a thing as "over" anointing??? Told mum I'II organise the pope next!!
The morning started with a txt message from my sister: "Not a good day. Be prepared. Extremely low and non responsive".
The speech pathologist made a visit and expressed the extent of dads damage. She empathetically but honestly advised that dad was still an extreme case with what he is able to interpret, understand and relay back through language. His physical signs of muscular movement for eating/drinking are restricted but show signs of improvement. She did try him on 2 spoonfills of water though which resulted in a very scary episode of dad choking due to liquid going down his windpipe. Not fun viewing.... That means Diet Coke too Jo and Mum!!! He has begged mum for something more than apple juice syrup and clearly got frustrated when she - or one of girls - has cracked open a DC (Diet Coke) in his presence. He was in heaven when mum weakened and smuggled a sip of coke!
Prior to her visit I witnessed Joanna talking to dad about his visit to St. Joseph's Primary School on Tuesday. Dad clearly said words like "Wonthaggi". When Jo spoke of the principal, he shook his head and said, "no the lady". These weren't random words or conversation. We were ecstatic to have that moment......
I contacted St. Dominic's to request visit from priest (as hospital stated they no longer do for Catholic patients). Turns out, that not entirely the case, as a lovely Irish priest visited (local to area and comes almost daily).
Txt Msg: "Thanks for organising GG. He a classic character, we cannot understand him let alone dad, but has lifted spirits nonetheless".
High Hospital Moment:
Mum tried dad with some music I brought in today. Txt from Jo: " Mum has put The Eagles in his ear. Absolute classic he is trying to sing out loud and is tapping to the beat. Happiest he has been all day. Mum dancing next to him and Jo massaging."
Apparently Demon dropped the "F" Bomb today too, when mum put bed down a little too quickly. Good to see real signs of personality return!
I was the first to arrive at hospital today - to a father with sorrow in his eyes and an expression of defeat. I fought back the tears. The nurse came in and did a brief assessment of his receptive processing. He then proceeded to speak over the top of dad referring to humans as being animals of visual learning and that dad would start to pre-empt what they will ask him to do repetitively. He then said to dad: "Desmond, open your mouth and punch me in the nose". After a confused look, dad's left arm went and collected the menu he was holding up. Just as the nurse proceeded to conclude success in what he had said, I witness dads left hand clentch it's fist and shake. I laughed and smiled at him.... (...as if to say "I'd like to punch a few people in the nose!") My dad is no monkey. These moments coupled with others of clear brain failure is what challenges us every day.
The stroke has left dad fully paralysed down right side of his body. He is currently unable to speak but can make sounds (ocassional words) and does acknowledge us and communicate by nodding and shaking his head and using his left arm/hand. His right eye has no vision but he is able to hear us. What is being processed to date is still unclear. We are, however, getting definite moments of our "dad" and confirmation he is conscious of what we saying on a number of occasions.
The determined bugger has already moved his right toes and lifted his leg. Despite the constant reminders of the magnitude of his stroke, we continue to hold great hope in the signs he continues to show us.
Dad laughed today!
Jo and mum wrote some commands on paper to see if dad could follow. As he showed signs of frustration/confusion, Jo then wrote: "Do you need us to SHUT UP". As she read these words, dad 'laughed'. His chest heaved and he smiled as he laughed. It was a high moment....
Pappa is receiving many 'supportive/interesting' words from his grandkids! Priceless.... This one is from 7yr old Ruby.
